There is yet another case in the newspaper in my home town this week of children being sexually abused by a teacher.
The parents went to the press after they reported the incidents to the Yeshiva school the children attend, only to see nothing being done in response.
I am so OVER these incidents of parents reporting abuse and then expecting the institution concerned to act! What do they think the school/church/club will do? It should be obvious that the institution will first of all go into self-protect mode. The interests of the child will come a distant second behind the desperate desire of the school principal, club leader or church authorities to ensure that no damage is done to the institution itself.
In nine cases out of 10, the authorities concerned will suspend the alleged abuser on full pay while they ‘investigate’. This means subjecting the child to questioning by an authority figure the child already defers to. How can they honestly expect the child to speak openly, without fear? And what competencies do they have for conducting any kind of investigation anyway?
The outcome is almost invariably unsatisfactory. The alleged offender may be let go without detriment, meaning he will just move on to another institution with a letter of reference that makes no mention of the investigation (and this may be seen as fair enough, if the investigation was unable to actually prove any wrongdoing). Or he may be transferred to another part of the institution – and we have seen many cases where an abuser has then gone on to abuse again.
What do parents do next? If they do not believe that justice has been done, or if they then learn of more cases of children complaining about the person concerned, they turn to the press.
Give me a break! Neither the media nor the school where the abuse allegedly occurred are equipped to appropriately investigate what is after all a CRIME!
The sexual abuse of children – whether that involves inappropriate touching, verbal harassment or penetration – is a crime and therefore a matter for the police and judiciary. When a child tells a parent that s/he has been abused, the first recourse of the parent must be the police. It is their job to investigate and to act on the results of that investigation.
The parents’ responsibility is to the child, and there are a few things all parents must do:
- First of all, stay calm and let the child know that s/he has done the right thing to tell the parents what happened;
- Let the child know that s/he is not at fault and that it is only right that the accusations should be investigated so that the proper actions can be taken by the adults whose responsibility it is to do something;
- Make sure the child knows that s/he is believed and will be kept safe and loved without reservation;
- Protect the child during the investigation, guarding her/his identity from any outside parties, making sure no pressure is brought on the child by any of the parties involved, and always being present when the child is asked questions by the police, institution or anyone else;
- Ensure that the child never feels that s/he has “caused trouble”, no matter what happens, and that it is the adults’ responsibility to sort out any hassles.
Child sex abusers must be brought to justice. Those who are accused but innocent must see their name cleared (they have families too). Most of all, as a society, we have to understand that child sexual abuse is a crime and not a ‘social problem’.
It is also important to remind ourselves again that it is not teachers, priests or club leaders who abuse children – it is men (and sometimes but not often women). These abusers take up jobs and get involved in activities that give them easy access to children and authority over them.
The sooner we start labelling abusers as criminals and stop headlining cases as ‘priest abused x children..’, the more likely it is that the institutional instinct to go into self-protect mode will be tempered with concern for the child and a desire to see justice done.
The illustration to this blog is a detail of a painting by Tamara de Lempicka called “Kizette en rose”, in the Musee des Beaux-Arts of Nantes, France.